2WW

I want to start by saying I appreciate all your comments..it makes me feel great to know that I am not alone and that I have encouragement and support...and know that you are not alone either.  I am here rooting for you!

The 2WW has been awful! Not only was I feeling like crap everyday but I started to feel very dark inside and very depressed. I had a lot of signs saying I was pregnant...SUPER tired, headaches, going through 2 bottles of ketchup in a week, constipation, gas, and sore boobs, but then I read about the side effects of my suppositories and and it turns out they cause drowsiness, headaches, constipation, gas, sore boobs etc. I have to take them three times in a day! No wonder I am tired! I started to feel that my symptoms weren't pregnancy and that it was too early so they were the side effects from the meds. Oh...they also cause depression! I started to cry everyday and became very negative. I did something stupid on day 5 after my transfer. I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. Now I know that it was too early, but I just assumed that if I was, it would come back positive. Seeing the negative was a bad idea because it changed my mood from "I feel pregnant and beautiful" to "whats the point of living if I cant have children". I gave up. Sunday night my boobs went from being mildly sore to extremely sore. So sore to the point that water from the shower hurt them. I have big boobs to begin with-34DDD. Yes, you read that correctly, so that is a lot of pain in a big area. It hurts to have a bra on, it hurts to have a bra off. To be honest, I think I know what it would feel like to be a man with a boner that won't go down. I said boner because it sounds funny. But seriously, my nipples are constantly hard and they hurt...bad! Last night, I slept without a shirt and had a soft pillow across my chest to hold them down. If I started to move I would wake up from the pain. I want you to understand that if you are pregnant your boobs will hurt more than ever...more than if you are big chested and go running without a bra. I know this now. My boobs have always hurt...never like this.
Yesterday morning I went to give my blood for my test results. I came home and cried all morning because I just knew I wasn't pregnant. I was preparing myself for bad news, I didn't want a shock. I got the phone call and told the nurse that I hope she had good news for me. She said, "Congratulations!" I was hysterical. I couldn't stop crying I was so happy and relieved and grateful! I kept asking if she had the right person though because I couldn't believe that I could be so lucky and that it worked out for me. Turns out, my blood levels are nice and high..possible twins! I will know more about that tomorrow and I can't wait to find out.
This morning I got my positive on the pee stick...

Keep praying for my healthy baby/babies and that they stick around. I will be a good mom!

I AM PREGNANT!

I AM PREGNANT! I want to shout it to the world! I will go over everything tomorrow in my blog but I just had to share and I am too jazzed to sit and write! I AM PREGNANT! I can't believe it..I have wanted this for so long and I am so excited..so is Daddy!

Glow

I had two embryos transferred on Thursday and the whole process was pretty quick and painless. Felt like a pap smear with a spotlight and then you just have to hang out for about 20 minutes with your legs up. I have been on bed rest since Thursday and I can finally be done this evening! I have 3 vaginal suppositories a day-fun! Since I am not tired and I don't feel sick it has been difficult and boring to be alone. I have had some visitors but I am sure it has been boring for them as well. I feel so good and I just want to go out and scream to the world that I am pregnant...but I can't and I might not be. The waiting game sucks! If there was only a sign...I feel like I am, but is that because I feel so good? Do I feel so good because I am pregnant or because I am done with those hormone shots? My brother saw me yesterday and said he thinks I am pregnant because I already look like I am glowing. I was staring in the mirror this morning and I saw it too. I had just woken up but I felt prettier than I have in a long time. It even looked like I had a sun kiss...and I don't go in the sun!
I hope this isn't another example of my mind playing awful tricks on me..except this time there is a good chance I actually am pregnant.
Please pray for me...pray that I will have a healthy baby.

Tomorrow is actually the biggest day ever...and I can't wait!

So let's see...I had my egg retrieval on Monday and it went very well. I had a great night sleep on Sunday and I had a dream that my Grandpa (who passed away last year) came to see me and told me "Monday is your day...I will be with you the whole time and everything is going to be great, relax and just be excited because you have good things coming your way!" He also mentioned that he and my dog (who died in March) would be smiling down on me. I woke up feeling excited and all my nerves were gone. I really felt like I had them both with me and it felt good. I arrived at the Doctor's at 9:00 am. I filled out some paper work and then they took me in the back to get prepped for the procedure. I changed into a gown , booties and a hair cover. They walked me into the room where I would have the procedure and I got onto the bed and met the most amazing anesthesiologist. She was so nice and funny and asked me a couple of questions. She put a band around my arm and I turned my head and I asked what my blood pressure was and she said she hooked me up to the IV. I didn't even feel it! I thought she was taking my blood pressure! I wish my blood tests would be that easy! My Doc came in to say hello and that he was going to scrub in and then I fell asleep. Next thing I know, I wake up in recovery and yell out, "How many eggs?" They got 10! We had two party crashers! Two surprise eggs! 7 of them were mature and they all fertilized! They called us the next morning before 9:00 am to tell us that they were looking really good! When I woke up in recovery I had some heat packs on my stomach. I had some discomfort, enough that I couldn't move around.. but it only lasted until last night. I have some mild spotting and bad bloating but knowing that I have 7 thriving embabies makes it all so worth it! I stayed in bed all day yesterday because my stomach was hurting. It wasn't like period cramps and I didn't have any nausea...it was like pressure/constipation/sever gas pain kind of feeling. I have had to take some laxatives because I didn't go...but I got some sweet relief this morning!
Today I moved around and got out of the house a bit. I treated myself to some new comfy PJs for my bed rest, had lunch with my sister in law, and put together some really nice gift baskets for the Doctor and his nursing staff. I am so grateful for them and how they have treated me throughout this whole process. I felt more like a personal friend than a patient and they let me trust them without feeling concerned that they were "in it for the money" I always felt they truly cared for my well being and hoped the best outcome for us. Started the vaginal suppositories today and yuck! Me no likey! Constant wetness and itchiness...like diaper rash?

So...tomorrow is the transfer day and I cant freaking wait! I will also get to see pictures of all my little embabies...so cool! Monday WAS my day...but tomorrow...OUR day.

Tomorrow is a big day, but not the biggest one yet...

It is the night before my egg retrieval and I have a mix of emotions. First, I am so excited that the butterflies I have in my stomach are as bad as the stuffed ovaries. Second, I am nervous about the procedure and praying that all goes well with me. I am afraid of the pain I might have and I am afraid that the eggs wont make great embryos and I won't have any. I wish I didn't worry but I can't help it. Thus far, I have worried for no reason and I hope it stays that way. I was worried about having a man be my Doctor but after much research I chose him because he was the best and that was more important than my modesty. Now, I wish he could be my OBGYN and deliver my baby/babies. I trust him so much and he has been so amazing that I am sad he can't see me through until the end. I wish he could be my everything Doctor. I was worried about all the stims but they didn't hurt that bad. The side effects weren't good but I could do it again although I pray I don't have to. Last night was the worst as far as nerves go, I had to get the hCG shot and that needle is HUGE and it has to go all the way in! It had to go in my butt. I went to sleep early (so I wouldn't have to think about it) and my husband woke me up to give it to me. I had to lean over the bed and stand pigeon toed because it relaxes the glutes. I was so afraid I thought I was going to faint/vomit and I was shaking like a leaf. He pulled down my pants and rubbed the alcohol on my butt and...I didn't feel a thing! Really! I had worked myself up over nothing. I wish all my shots were like that one. My butt feels a little sore today but it isn't bad at all. I don't feel good, but I was able to play with my 9 month old niece for a bit and that made me feel better. I just have a stomach ache. My husband went to go pick up dinner and I will go to sleep early and before I know it, I will have completed my most nerve wracking hurdle and be one step closer to my goal. The time has gone by faster than I thought it would.

Yippee!

Just got back from the Doc and everything looks good! My egg retrieval is set for Monday morning! I am so beyond excited and incredibly nervous at the same time. One of these eggs inside of my super stuffed ovaries could be one of my babies...amazing! The pain is totally worth it. If you think about it, how many people get to see the egg that will become their baby? Unless you are going through IVF/IUI your chances are slim. Pretty cool experience even though I would rather get pregnant by doing the secret naughty.
I am in quite a bit of discomfort and the doc said it will get worse over the weekend and last throughout next week. My ovaries are being stretched a great deal and the bloating is also causing pressure down yonder. I should clarify that it probably isn't as painful for women who opt to take pain relief. Doc prescribed Vicodin but I hate that stuff so I would rather deal with the pain.  Even though it is allowed, I feel that the less I put into my body, the better it will be for holding onto that embryo. Besides, if I mask the pain, how will I know if anything is wrong? I am happy to report that I didn't have any hot flashes today...thank you Bravelle and Menapur for giving me a break with that one!

So...now I wait for Monday. The day of baby making. The day my DNA and J's DNA will become one. The day that my baby/babies will be conceived.

Cramping My Style

My ovaries are pretty sore and so is my lower back. I just can't seem to find comfort! Per the ultrasound today all my eggs are about and 11/12. The Doc will retrieve them when they are between an 18-20. I have eight eggs and they are just cramping my style...pun intended! I will go in again tomorrow for another ultrasound and we will have a better idea of when the egg retrieval will be. I was so nervous about the egg retrieval but now...BRING IT ON! I can't wait to be knocked out and to wake up with empty ovaries.

EF THIS!!!

I don't know if it's the increase in my Menapur or what but these hot flashes are almost unbearable! My sister in law came by today and told me that I was purple. I didn't realize that I changed colors, I only knew that I have little rivers of sweat dripping off of me and that I have had to change my clothes because they are damp with sweat. I wish I wasn't having to work because the only comfort I can find is when I am naked on my bed with a cold wet towel and a fan blowing on me. Yeah.
Cramps are increasing but I have had worse. I am in a really bad mood and I don't think it's the hormones, I think it's the heat. I am done for now...too effing moody to even write.

Still on the Stims...

Saw the Doctor today and everything is looking good. My right ovary is making four pretty eggys and my left (the old lady ovary) is making four eggys also but two are a bit smaller than the others. Doc is upping my Menapur starting tonight to get these ladies to grow up and mature like the rest. I am keeping my fingers crossed that we will have some really great eggs that can be fertilized, and hopefully have some embabies to freeze. I am still having headaches and hot flashes throughout the day but its okay. I know it is worth it and the excitement over powers the blahhh and the pain. Everything is starting to happen fast now and I could (please...pretty please, hopefully) be pregnant in less than three weeks! Its my turn now...my turn to finally be a Mommy!

Day 3 of Stims

Last night was my third shot of stims and I am definitely feeling the side effects. It seems to worsen in the afternoon/evenings. I get very bad headaches and some nausea. Last night my nausea woke me up but I took a Benedryl and that knocked me out! My husband has been fantastic and is always showing concern. He is being very gentle with my emotions and is just letting me do my thing. He rubs my back and offers to get me whatever I want. I got myself a good man and he will make morning sickness much more tolerable...I am sure. I have had some mild cramping on and off throughout the days and an increase in cervical mucus. My doctor said this is normal. My appetite has decreased a bit but I think thats due to the fact that I am nauseated often and have headaches. I am drinking massive amounts of water and coconut water and that is keeping me hydrated which is helping. I do have to pee constantly though and wake up about 3 times during the night to do so.
A little advise for the people starting stims: Ice your stomach before the shots and after. It makes a world of a difference!

Day 2 of Stims

Blahhhhhh! Feeling pretty gross over here. The shots aren't too bad and I use an ice pack before and after so I don't get welts like the last time, but the hot flashes are brutal! I tried to go out and about today and that didn't work in my favor. I felt sick the whole time... over heated and nauseated. I puked a little after breakfast, but I think it was because I drank too much water. I came home late this afternoon with a migraine and passed out for an hour and a half and then ate some dinner. During dinner I started to feel sick again, just a general blahhhhh! Going to get into bed early, Hubby is going to put on a movie and I am going to try and sleep this feeling away.

Green Light

Just got home from the Doctor and we have been given a green light to start the stims! I also will be reducing the lupron to 5, down from 20. As much as I am dreading those awful stims, I am equally as excited that I get to start. I will be on Bravelle and Menopur.  I completely passed the corpus luteum cyst on my own..HOORAY! My uterus lining looks good, hormones are great but it looks like I won't be having too many eggs. After getting to know my ovaries the Doc told me that I am producing eggs like I am in my late 30's. I am only 30 now. He isn't even completely sure that our infertility is just my husband, seems to think that my ovaries and the quality of eggs being produced might have a say in this bullshit as well. It really is our problem as a couple and in a way I am glad that its not all on my husband's shoulders...or testicles for that matter. We will not have another dropped cycle. We will be moving forward regardless of how many eggs pop up. He estimates around 6. He wants quality not quantity and that is what I am going to give him! I have always been a super competitive person and I want my ladies to win this fight! Come on ovaries and produce some stellar eggs!
So...glad its a long weekend because the stims make me drag ass. No plans and now I am not going to make any. Maybe go see a movie or rent one. Fantasize about my embabies. Relax.

S'more of This!

I am going to the doctor tomorrow and as usual I will be bringing him a treat. Everyone loves these brownies and all my friends and family have nicknamed them ''crack brownies''. Why? Because they are beyond addicting. Warning..if you are on a diet don't even try one bite...you will not be able to stop!

• 1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter
• 6 ounces unsweetened chocolate, chopped
• 5 large eggs
• 1 1/4 cups dark brown sugar
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 2 teaspoons vanilla
• 1 package graham crackers, roughly crushed with your hands
• 1 bag mini marshmallows
• 1 large Hershey bar, broken up

Preheat oven to 350°F. Butter 9×13-inch baking pan with 2-inch-high sides. Combine first 3 ingredients in small bowl. Stir butter and chocolate in a medium sized bowl over a  heavy  saucepan of simmering water.  Stir chocolate and butter in this double boiler until melted and smooth.

Beat eggs, sugar and vanilla in large bowl to blend. Stir in warm chocolate mixture, then dry ingredients. Fold in 1/2 of the graham crackers.  Pour batter into prepared pan.  Bake until they are almost done about 25 min and then press marshmallows and the rest of the graham crackers onto the top. Put back into oven and finish baking until toothpick comes out clean except for marshmallow on it, about another 15 min or so. Remove form oven and put Hershey pieces into top. they will slightly melt from the heat.

Marshmallows will be browned and puffy but will deflate as the brownies cool.  Cool for at least 20 minutes than slice with a sharp knife, cleaning the knife with hot water if it gets too messy and sticky.  Serve or wrap individually in wax paper for storing.

If this seems like to much work, just buy your favorite brownie mix and add the graham crackers and marshmallows to that!  YUM!