Tomorrow is a big day, but not the biggest one yet...

It is the night before my egg retrieval and I have a mix of emotions. First, I am so excited that the butterflies I have in my stomach are as bad as the stuffed ovaries. Second, I am nervous about the procedure and praying that all goes well with me. I am afraid of the pain I might have and I am afraid that the eggs wont make great embryos and I won't have any. I wish I didn't worry but I can't help it. Thus far, I have worried for no reason and I hope it stays that way. I was worried about having a man be my Doctor but after much research I chose him because he was the best and that was more important than my modesty. Now, I wish he could be my OBGYN and deliver my baby/babies. I trust him so much and he has been so amazing that I am sad he can't see me through until the end. I wish he could be my everything Doctor. I was worried about all the stims but they didn't hurt that bad. The side effects weren't good but I could do it again although I pray I don't have to. Last night was the worst as far as nerves go, I had to get the hCG shot and that needle is HUGE and it has to go all the way in! It had to go in my butt. I went to sleep early (so I wouldn't have to think about it) and my husband woke me up to give it to me. I had to lean over the bed and stand pigeon toed because it relaxes the glutes. I was so afraid I thought I was going to faint/vomit and I was shaking like a leaf. He pulled down my pants and rubbed the alcohol on my butt and...I didn't feel a thing! Really! I had worked myself up over nothing. I wish all my shots were like that one. My butt feels a little sore today but it isn't bad at all. I don't feel good, but I was able to play with my 9 month old niece for a bit and that made me feel better. I just have a stomach ache. My husband went to go pick up dinner and I will go to sleep early and before I know it, I will have completed my most nerve wracking hurdle and be one step closer to my goal. The time has gone by faster than I thought it would.

Yippee!

Just got back from the Doc and everything looks good! My egg retrieval is set for Monday morning! I am so beyond excited and incredibly nervous at the same time. One of these eggs inside of my super stuffed ovaries could be one of my babies...amazing! The pain is totally worth it. If you think about it, how many people get to see the egg that will become their baby? Unless you are going through IVF/IUI your chances are slim. Pretty cool experience even though I would rather get pregnant by doing the secret naughty.
I am in quite a bit of discomfort and the doc said it will get worse over the weekend and last throughout next week. My ovaries are being stretched a great deal and the bloating is also causing pressure down yonder. I should clarify that it probably isn't as painful for women who opt to take pain relief. Doc prescribed Vicodin but I hate that stuff so I would rather deal with the pain.  Even though it is allowed, I feel that the less I put into my body, the better it will be for holding onto that embryo. Besides, if I mask the pain, how will I know if anything is wrong? I am happy to report that I didn't have any hot flashes today...thank you Bravelle and Menapur for giving me a break with that one!

So...now I wait for Monday. The day of baby making. The day my DNA and J's DNA will become one. The day that my baby/babies will be conceived.

Cramping My Style

My ovaries are pretty sore and so is my lower back. I just can't seem to find comfort! Per the ultrasound today all my eggs are about and 11/12. The Doc will retrieve them when they are between an 18-20. I have eight eggs and they are just cramping my style...pun intended! I will go in again tomorrow for another ultrasound and we will have a better idea of when the egg retrieval will be. I was so nervous about the egg retrieval but now...BRING IT ON! I can't wait to be knocked out and to wake up with empty ovaries.

Green Light

Just got home from the Doctor and we have been given a green light to start the stims! I also will be reducing the lupron to 5, down from 20. As much as I am dreading those awful stims, I am equally as excited that I get to start. I will be on Bravelle and Menopur.  I completely passed the corpus luteum cyst on my own..HOORAY! My uterus lining looks good, hormones are great but it looks like I won't be having too many eggs. After getting to know my ovaries the Doc told me that I am producing eggs like I am in my late 30's. I am only 30 now. He isn't even completely sure that our infertility is just my husband, seems to think that my ovaries and the quality of eggs being produced might have a say in this bullshit as well. It really is our problem as a couple and in a way I am glad that its not all on my husband's shoulders...or testicles for that matter. We will not have another dropped cycle. We will be moving forward regardless of how many eggs pop up. He estimates around 6. He wants quality not quantity and that is what I am going to give him! I have always been a super competitive person and I want my ladies to win this fight! Come on ovaries and produce some stellar eggs!
So...glad its a long weekend because the stims make me drag ass. No plans and now I am not going to make any. Maybe go see a movie or rent one. Fantasize about my embabies. Relax.

May I Please Have Some of That Lupron?

I started the Lupron last night. The needle is so tiny that the shot didn't hurt. The only thing I felt was some itchiness afterward. It was like a mosquito bite and it was annoying so I put an ice pack on it and the itchiness went away fast. I can handle these. Hopefully, today I wont have any side effects.

Sunday night I had a little spotting. It was very pink. I had a little yesterday morning also. I am not due for my period for another few days, so of course, my mind goes to thinking that I could be pregnant by a miracle. Am I the only person that does this? The timeline would make sense for implantation bleeding but it wouldn't be soon enough for an HPT. I called the Doctor twice yesterday just to make sure because if by miracle I was pregnant, I would not want to cause any harm to the fetus. The office said it was highly unlikely, but if I wanted to reassure myself than I should take an HPT. It would come back negative anyway so whats the point? They did take a blood test last week and it would show increased hormone levels if I was. I guess, I am just hoping deep down inside that it could still happen for us. So much so, that my mind does crazy things. It tricks me into thinking I am pregnant every month until I am crushed by her majesty, my period.

Lets hope that everything will work for us this time. I pray every night to my ovaries that they will produce beautiful follies that are all even and mature. I wan't to raise these little ladies so that Dr. B can introduce them to their Prince Charming and they can fall in love and become one.  It's all on me at this point. Come on girls...we can do it!