I Waaaaaaay Want my Baby!

I saw this on another blog and REALLY loved it. Very cute. Just wanted to share!

Happy Face

This positive thoughts thing is already working for me. I am so very happy to report that when I had my ultrasound and b/w done this morning the doctor was very pleased to see that my cyst went from being the size of an orange to a deflated balloon on its own. He believes I should pass it on my own by Friday so we can start the stims. Phew! I wont have to have it ruptured! At least that is what it looks like for now. I will go back on Friday to have it all checked again to make sure. As usual, I brought him some treats. We traded a tin of homemade treats for two boxes of Bravelle! He is so awesome and that saved us a couple hundred dollars. The best part is..he thinks he made out with the better deal. Love this guy!


 A little advice: Find out what your Doctor likes. My Doctor has a sweet tooth so I bake him treats every time I go to see him. Show how much you appreciate your Doctor and they will appreciate you as a patient. 
 This is the recipe for what I brought him today. It is easy and anyone can make them. You even get to cheat a little!


Mint Chip Cookies
Use any sugar cookie mix you would like. Follow the directions and then add the following:
1/2 tsp mint extract
1 egg
6-8 drops green food coloring
1 cup chocolate chunks
1 cup creme de menth baking chips/or Andes mints are great too

1. Heat oven to 350°F. In large bowl, stir cookie mix, extract, food color and egg until soft dough forms. Stir in creme de menthe baking chips and chocolate chunks.
2. Using small cookie scoop or teaspoon, drop dough 2 inches apart on ungreased cookie sheet.
3. Bake 8 to 10 minutes or until set. Cool 3 minutes; remove from cookie sheet to wire rack. Serve warm or cool completely. Store tightly covered at room temperature.

Starting Now...

My head hurts. Total migraine... which makes me wonder why I am actually writing anyway. I just need to get some things off my chest and dump them somewhere and this is probably the best place. I am having total paranoia! This lack of control over my body and the fate of my future is a complete mind fuck. What if the IVF doesn't work? What if these hormones cause me to have cancer or something in the future where I could possibly die and leave my children without a mother? What if I miscarry, can I make it through that? Sometime I feel like I am the strongest woman in the world to be going through this- I do not think most people could handle this kind of stress and worry... And I feel kinda tough that I take my shots like a big girl, that nobody knows my secret because I can hide my pain, discomfort and emptiness so well that I even start to believe its not true. But then, at times I feel like such a downer, a complainer a whiny nagging bitch that I am embarrassed and ashamed of. Starting now, I want/need to start thinking positive thoughts. I am fortunate to have the opportunity to get IVF.  I see positive pregnancy tests in the near future. I see healthy babies, husband and me. I see a happy life with my family.

I am so effed up lately that I expect everyone to be a certain way. I am hurting so bad at times that I forget the whole world doesn't hurt with me, and I can't expect them to.  Nobody even knows what is going on...

Waiting Game

Wowza! I have been having the worst hot flashes! Of course, it doesn't help that its over 100 degrees everyday but I just can't seem to cool down. I mean...dripping sweat! Beads of it being wiped from my brow, bra completely soaked, and constant hot/swollen feet does not lend comfort of any kind. Everything I eat tastes like it was prepared in a salt mine. I have a constant thirst that cannot be quenched...are these side effects?

I have to say that last week was pretty rough... the pain was horrible and I had some emotions that ran away from me. I felt like my family really felt for me and worried a little. It made me feel good to know they were there for me. My parents, my brothers, sisters-in-laws(3 of them) have been really great. 

I am looking forward to my appt on Tuesday and praying for some progression. I am sick of waiting. I can only be patient for so long...let's get the show on the road already!

My Baby...

I saw this quote yesterday, not sure who its from. It made me cry. When I finally have my baby this will be painted on the wall in the nursery.

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living,

My baby you'll be...

I will be a good mom. I will be better than most because I want my baby and I have to struggle and fight and beg and suffer for my baby. I have to wait..patiently. I will wake up at every cry. I will go without sleep for days to hold my baby just a second longer. I will thank god every night and every morning for my most precious gift. 

Read with Caution

I just got home from the Doctor where I had another ultrasound. It turns out I have a Corpus Luteum Cyst on my left ovary. Nothing to worry about, basically just left overs from what I didn't ovulate. However, the pain I am having now has a valid reason. This puts a slight damper on the cycle, the Doctor will rupture the cyst next week so he can start me on my stims. I will go in on Tuesday for another ultrasound and then have a 10 minute surgery on Wednesday. I am thankful he is not dropping the cycle! I can't help that I cried. I am just disappointed and scared. I know I get myself all worked up over the "what ifs" but maybe it's just practice for when I actually become a mother. A mother who worries.
 I said I was going to be honest, so here it is...this morning was humiliating to me. First, I have never had a period this heavy in my life. I couldn't even get out of the shower this morning because I was dripping so much blood.  Finally, after a super plus tampon and a sanitary napkin I went to the Doctor. I know it his job and he sees it all the time, but I don't show people all the time. You know what I am saying? They put the dog pee pads on the table. Afterwards I could barely get off the table because of so much blood. I told my Husband not to look. There was no reason to see that. I brought a travel box of baby wipes and used all of them. I could barely look at at my Doctor in his office because I was so embarrassed. He told me not to worry, its because of the cyst and it won't be a problem. He reassured me that I shouldn't be embarrassed. This is all just so hard.
My Husband and I got into a fight when we got home. Not about this, but the stress starts getting to you. I just want to lie in bed for the rest of the day. I need to go into work this afternoon but I am exhausted from the pain, from the stress and the 100 degree weather mixed with hot flashes.

OUCH!

The good news is that I got my period today. The bad news is that I am in excruciating pain. I have the most painful cramps that I have ever had! I actually called in sick to work today because I can't even stand up straight. I am used to bad cramps but usually when I take some pain relief it goes away. NOT TODAY! I wonder if this is from the Lupron?????  Thank heavens I am going to the doctor tomorrow morning, because with this amount of pain I would have to go anyway.