Day 2 of Stims

Blahhhhhh! Feeling pretty gross over here. The shots aren't too bad and I use an ice pack before and after so I don't get welts like the last time, but the hot flashes are brutal! I tried to go out and about today and that didn't work in my favor. I felt sick the whole time... over heated and nauseated. I puked a little after breakfast, but I think it was because I drank too much water. I came home late this afternoon with a migraine and passed out for an hour and a half and then ate some dinner. During dinner I started to feel sick again, just a general blahhhhh! Going to get into bed early, Hubby is going to put on a movie and I am going to try and sleep this feeling away.

Starting Now...

My head hurts. Total migraine... which makes me wonder why I am actually writing anyway. I just need to get some things off my chest and dump them somewhere and this is probably the best place. I am having total paranoia! This lack of control over my body and the fate of my future is a complete mind fuck. What if the IVF doesn't work? What if these hormones cause me to have cancer or something in the future where I could possibly die and leave my children without a mother? What if I miscarry, can I make it through that? Sometime I feel like I am the strongest woman in the world to be going through this- I do not think most people could handle this kind of stress and worry... And I feel kinda tough that I take my shots like a big girl, that nobody knows my secret because I can hide my pain, discomfort and emptiness so well that I even start to believe its not true. But then, at times I feel like such a downer, a complainer a whiny nagging bitch that I am embarrassed and ashamed of. Starting now, I want/need to start thinking positive thoughts. I am fortunate to have the opportunity to get IVF.  I see positive pregnancy tests in the near future. I see healthy babies, husband and me. I see a happy life with my family.

I am so effed up lately that I expect everyone to be a certain way. I am hurting so bad at times that I forget the whole world doesn't hurt with me, and I can't expect them to.  Nobody even knows what is going on...