Tomorrow is a big day, but not the biggest one yet...

It is the night before my egg retrieval and I have a mix of emotions. First, I am so excited that the butterflies I have in my stomach are as bad as the stuffed ovaries. Second, I am nervous about the procedure and praying that all goes well with me. I am afraid of the pain I might have and I am afraid that the eggs wont make great embryos and I won't have any. I wish I didn't worry but I can't help it. Thus far, I have worried for no reason and I hope it stays that way. I was worried about having a man be my Doctor but after much research I chose him because he was the best and that was more important than my modesty. Now, I wish he could be my OBGYN and deliver my baby/babies. I trust him so much and he has been so amazing that I am sad he can't see me through until the end. I wish he could be my everything Doctor. I was worried about all the stims but they didn't hurt that bad. The side effects weren't good but I could do it again although I pray I don't have to. Last night was the worst as far as nerves go, I had to get the hCG shot and that needle is HUGE and it has to go all the way in! It had to go in my butt. I went to sleep early (so I wouldn't have to think about it) and my husband woke me up to give it to me. I had to lean over the bed and stand pigeon toed because it relaxes the glutes. I was so afraid I thought I was going to faint/vomit and I was shaking like a leaf. He pulled down my pants and rubbed the alcohol on my butt and...I didn't feel a thing! Really! I had worked myself up over nothing. I wish all my shots were like that one. My butt feels a little sore today but it isn't bad at all. I don't feel good, but I was able to play with my 9 month old niece for a bit and that made me feel better. I just have a stomach ache. My husband went to go pick up dinner and I will go to sleep early and before I know it, I will have completed my most nerve wracking hurdle and be one step closer to my goal. The time has gone by faster than I thought it would.

Day 3 of Stims

Last night was my third shot of stims and I am definitely feeling the side effects. It seems to worsen in the afternoon/evenings. I get very bad headaches and some nausea. Last night my nausea woke me up but I took a Benedryl and that knocked me out! My husband has been fantastic and is always showing concern. He is being very gentle with my emotions and is just letting me do my thing. He rubs my back and offers to get me whatever I want. I got myself a good man and he will make morning sickness much more tolerable...I am sure. I have had some mild cramping on and off throughout the days and an increase in cervical mucus. My doctor said this is normal. My appetite has decreased a bit but I think thats due to the fact that I am nauseated often and have headaches. I am drinking massive amounts of water and coconut water and that is keeping me hydrated which is helping. I do have to pee constantly though and wake up about 3 times during the night to do so.
A little advise for the people starting stims: Ice your stomach before the shots and after. It makes a world of a difference!

Day 2 of Stims

Blahhhhhh! Feeling pretty gross over here. The shots aren't too bad and I use an ice pack before and after so I don't get welts like the last time, but the hot flashes are brutal! I tried to go out and about today and that didn't work in my favor. I felt sick the whole time... over heated and nauseated. I puked a little after breakfast, but I think it was because I drank too much water. I came home late this afternoon with a migraine and passed out for an hour and a half and then ate some dinner. During dinner I started to feel sick again, just a general blahhhhh! Going to get into bed early, Hubby is going to put on a movie and I am going to try and sleep this feeling away.

Green Light

Just got home from the Doctor and we have been given a green light to start the stims! I also will be reducing the lupron to 5, down from 20. As much as I am dreading those awful stims, I am equally as excited that I get to start. I will be on Bravelle and Menopur.  I completely passed the corpus luteum cyst on my own..HOORAY! My uterus lining looks good, hormones are great but it looks like I won't be having too many eggs. After getting to know my ovaries the Doc told me that I am producing eggs like I am in my late 30's. I am only 30 now. He isn't even completely sure that our infertility is just my husband, seems to think that my ovaries and the quality of eggs being produced might have a say in this bullshit as well. It really is our problem as a couple and in a way I am glad that its not all on my husband's shoulders...or testicles for that matter. We will not have another dropped cycle. We will be moving forward regardless of how many eggs pop up. He estimates around 6. He wants quality not quantity and that is what I am going to give him! I have always been a super competitive person and I want my ladies to win this fight! Come on ovaries and produce some stellar eggs!
So...glad its a long weekend because the stims make me drag ass. No plans and now I am not going to make any. Maybe go see a movie or rent one. Fantasize about my embabies. Relax.

Read with Caution

I just got home from the Doctor where I had another ultrasound. It turns out I have a Corpus Luteum Cyst on my left ovary. Nothing to worry about, basically just left overs from what I didn't ovulate. However, the pain I am having now has a valid reason. This puts a slight damper on the cycle, the Doctor will rupture the cyst next week so he can start me on my stims. I will go in on Tuesday for another ultrasound and then have a 10 minute surgery on Wednesday. I am thankful he is not dropping the cycle! I can't help that I cried. I am just disappointed and scared. I know I get myself all worked up over the "what ifs" but maybe it's just practice for when I actually become a mother. A mother who worries.
 I said I was going to be honest, so here it is...this morning was humiliating to me. First, I have never had a period this heavy in my life. I couldn't even get out of the shower this morning because I was dripping so much blood.  Finally, after a super plus tampon and a sanitary napkin I went to the Doctor. I know it his job and he sees it all the time, but I don't show people all the time. You know what I am saying? They put the dog pee pads on the table. Afterwards I could barely get off the table because of so much blood. I told my Husband not to look. There was no reason to see that. I brought a travel box of baby wipes and used all of them. I could barely look at at my Doctor in his office because I was so embarrassed. He told me not to worry, its because of the cyst and it won't be a problem. He reassured me that I shouldn't be embarrassed. This is all just so hard.
My Husband and I got into a fight when we got home. Not about this, but the stress starts getting to you. I just want to lie in bed for the rest of the day. I need to go into work this afternoon but I am exhausted from the pain, from the stress and the 100 degree weather mixed with hot flashes.