EF THIS!!!

I don't know if it's the increase in my Menapur or what but these hot flashes are almost unbearable! My sister in law came by today and told me that I was purple. I didn't realize that I changed colors, I only knew that I have little rivers of sweat dripping off of me and that I have had to change my clothes because they are damp with sweat. I wish I wasn't having to work because the only comfort I can find is when I am naked on my bed with a cold wet towel and a fan blowing on me. Yeah.
Cramps are increasing but I have had worse. I am in a really bad mood and I don't think it's the hormones, I think it's the heat. I am done for now...too effing moody to even write.

Still on the Stims...

Saw the Doctor today and everything is looking good. My right ovary is making four pretty eggys and my left (the old lady ovary) is making four eggys also but two are a bit smaller than the others. Doc is upping my Menapur starting tonight to get these ladies to grow up and mature like the rest. I am keeping my fingers crossed that we will have some really great eggs that can be fertilized, and hopefully have some embabies to freeze. I am still having headaches and hot flashes throughout the day but its okay. I know it is worth it and the excitement over powers the blahhh and the pain. Everything is starting to happen fast now and I could (please...pretty please, hopefully) be pregnant in less than three weeks! Its my turn now...my turn to finally be a Mommy!

Read with Caution

I just got home from the Doctor where I had another ultrasound. It turns out I have a Corpus Luteum Cyst on my left ovary. Nothing to worry about, basically just left overs from what I didn't ovulate. However, the pain I am having now has a valid reason. This puts a slight damper on the cycle, the Doctor will rupture the cyst next week so he can start me on my stims. I will go in on Tuesday for another ultrasound and then have a 10 minute surgery on Wednesday. I am thankful he is not dropping the cycle! I can't help that I cried. I am just disappointed and scared. I know I get myself all worked up over the "what ifs" but maybe it's just practice for when I actually become a mother. A mother who worries.
 I said I was going to be honest, so here it is...this morning was humiliating to me. First, I have never had a period this heavy in my life. I couldn't even get out of the shower this morning because I was dripping so much blood.  Finally, after a super plus tampon and a sanitary napkin I went to the Doctor. I know it his job and he sees it all the time, but I don't show people all the time. You know what I am saying? They put the dog pee pads on the table. Afterwards I could barely get off the table because of so much blood. I told my Husband not to look. There was no reason to see that. I brought a travel box of baby wipes and used all of them. I could barely look at at my Doctor in his office because I was so embarrassed. He told me not to worry, its because of the cyst and it won't be a problem. He reassured me that I shouldn't be embarrassed. This is all just so hard.
My Husband and I got into a fight when we got home. Not about this, but the stress starts getting to you. I just want to lie in bed for the rest of the day. I need to go into work this afternoon but I am exhausted from the pain, from the stress and the 100 degree weather mixed with hot flashes.