My Little Piggy

Today was my 10 week ultrasound and my last day with the fertility Doc. I graduated. Healthy baby...all looks good! It was bittersweet...I love this Doc and I feel very attached to him. He did say he would come to see us in the hospital and that I need to come visit and show off my bump to him. I will. He gave us a bib and a blanket for the baby he helped create. Wonderful man! My baby is measuring to be a little ahead..2 days. I hope its not all the pickle and cheese sandwiches I have been eating! I have had some occasional bouts of morning sickness, a little puke and nausea but nothing too serious. I am more than tired! Some days, I can't get out of bed! It doesn't help that I pee every 2 hours during the night! I wouldn't say that I have actual cravings, its more like if I eat anything else but these foods I will get sick. The idea of chicken and meats make me gag. I want citrus..any kind! Virgin bloody marys, totinos frozen pizza, greek yogurt, mexican hot chocolate, starbursts, watermelon, pickle and cheese sandwiches, decaf iced coffee, apples, and string beans with teriyaki sauce. What I want so badly but I cant have are kosher hot dogs and sandwiches with lunch meats, especially salami! I can't comfortably wear my jeans anymore and if I do, I need to put on a belly band. TMI warning...My husband had to shave "me" the other day because I can't see my vajayjay with my huge boobs anymore! I like to keep it clean for the Doc ;) Although we are allowed to have sex, we haven't. We are both a little scared. But, we talk about it a lot and I have sex dreams often.

8 Week Ultrasound

Yesterday was my 8 week ultrasound, and it was amazing to see my little gummy bear! We got to hear the heart beat and it was such a wonderful sound! You could see the little arms and it was like the baby was waving at us saying, "Don't stress Mama, I'm here and I am healthy!" The baby is measuring 2 cm. The Doc said everything looked perfect! Phew! My husband is glad that we can start having sex again..its been 2 months! The Doc just wants to make sure he withdraws or we use a condom because semen can cause cramping.

I have a feeling that its a boy. Of course, I would be thrilled with either and I don't care as long as the baby is healthy but deep down I feel like its a boy. I might feel bad about myself if I am wrong and its a girl because it would mean I have zero intuition about my own baby. We'll have to wait and see.

Heart Beat

I just got back from the best appointment yet! We just saw my baby's heartbeat! My little coffee bean's (that is what it measured to be) heart was just beating away! My husband got a little emotional and I was just grinning ear to ear. It is really starting to feel real now. Our due date is June 4...but we were told that it may change. I know that I may be biased but that was the best looking bean I have ever seen! Everyday that my baby's heart beats, my heart beats for my baby. I am so in love!

Now, that I am pregnant and the baby is healthy, none of the IVF matters anymore. I don't feel bad for myself anymore. We are having a baby and that is the only thing that matters.

6 Weeks Pregnant

Its crazy how fast time goes by and I never thought that this would happen. I am sick today. Sick as in morning sickness...I am so nauseated and have been throwing up for the last two hours or so. I guess this is a good thing although it feel so bad. I can't go to work today, I had to tell them I was just too damn sick!

Heaven and Hell

Heaven
taking my bra off!!!
knowing I have a baby growing
thinking of baby names (we are 100% sure of our boy name and 80% sure for the girl name)
having hubby rub lotion on my tummy
taking my bra off!!!
dreaming of holding my baby
reading about baby's growth progress
maternity pants. yes. awesome.
taking my bra off!!!
ketchup
cool dreams
colace
my dog's instinct that something is different with me. super protective and wants to lie on my belly
not having to take my night time suppository starting tonight!
taking my bra off!!!
oh..and taking my bra off!

Hell
my booby pain and having to wear a bra
being this tired and not allowed any caffeine
night time queasiness
forgetting to turn off my car when I went shopping (glad I live in an uber safe neighborhood)
constipation which led to me having hemorrhoids
constant wetness down yonder from my "posis"TMI WARNING like cream cheese and cervical mucus X 100
bad gas- at least hubby thinks its funny
craving for a sandwich and can't have deli meat
bloat- thank you ohss!
super expensive maternity clothes -just spent all our money on IVF!
hearing the jacuzzi call my name over and over and I can't listen
having to change underwear 3 times a day- even with a pad!

I wouldn't trade any of it! I feel so blessed that I am pregnant and I can't wait to feel my baby grow!

One Healthy Baby

Today I had my first ultrasound and we were able to see the sac with the tiny little yolk. We aren't having twins but as long as we have one healthy baby I am okay. My beta was 6,646 today and that is a great number.  I am having a hard time writing on my blog because I am trying not to think about it...I have become completely neurotic and paranoid that I am going to lose the baby. I am so afraid that it will just go away. I need constant reassurance that this baby is here to stay. What should be the happiest time in my life is filled with so much worry. When I hear the heartbeat next week, I will feel so much relief.

2WW

I want to start by saying I appreciate all your comments..it makes me feel great to know that I am not alone and that I have encouragement and support...and know that you are not alone either.  I am here rooting for you!

The 2WW has been awful! Not only was I feeling like crap everyday but I started to feel very dark inside and very depressed. I had a lot of signs saying I was pregnant...SUPER tired, headaches, going through 2 bottles of ketchup in a week, constipation, gas, and sore boobs, but then I read about the side effects of my suppositories and and it turns out they cause drowsiness, headaches, constipation, gas, sore boobs etc. I have to take them three times in a day! No wonder I am tired! I started to feel that my symptoms weren't pregnancy and that it was too early so they were the side effects from the meds. Oh...they also cause depression! I started to cry everyday and became very negative. I did something stupid on day 5 after my transfer. I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. Now I know that it was too early, but I just assumed that if I was, it would come back positive. Seeing the negative was a bad idea because it changed my mood from "I feel pregnant and beautiful" to "whats the point of living if I cant have children". I gave up. Sunday night my boobs went from being mildly sore to extremely sore. So sore to the point that water from the shower hurt them. I have big boobs to begin with-34DDD. Yes, you read that correctly, so that is a lot of pain in a big area. It hurts to have a bra on, it hurts to have a bra off. To be honest, I think I know what it would feel like to be a man with a boner that won't go down. I said boner because it sounds funny. But seriously, my nipples are constantly hard and they hurt...bad! Last night, I slept without a shirt and had a soft pillow across my chest to hold them down. If I started to move I would wake up from the pain. I want you to understand that if you are pregnant your boobs will hurt more than ever...more than if you are big chested and go running without a bra. I know this now. My boobs have always hurt...never like this.
Yesterday morning I went to give my blood for my test results. I came home and cried all morning because I just knew I wasn't pregnant. I was preparing myself for bad news, I didn't want a shock. I got the phone call and told the nurse that I hope she had good news for me. She said, "Congratulations!" I was hysterical. I couldn't stop crying I was so happy and relieved and grateful! I kept asking if she had the right person though because I couldn't believe that I could be so lucky and that it worked out for me. Turns out, my blood levels are nice and high..possible twins! I will know more about that tomorrow and I can't wait to find out.
This morning I got my positive on the pee stick...

Keep praying for my healthy baby/babies and that they stick around. I will be a good mom!